Had To Go
by Gleek4
Summary: M for later chapters. What would have happened if Theatricality had taken place during summer and Kurt left? Will Finn realize what he's done?
1. Chapter 1

So, I really need to know if I should continue this. If there is no response, then I'll just let it be. M for later chapters if continued.  
>Characters belong to RM.<br>Song belongs to Kelly Clarkson.  
>There was such a great response to <em>One Request<em> that I'll try adding a second chapter in the future.

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><p><em>Seems like just yesterday<br>You were a part of me_

Sitting on the couch confused about what had happen hours earlier in his newly decorated shared room, Finn sat on the couch with the TV turned off for a change, attempting to think of a yeah from keeping Burt from kicking him out of the house when Kurt hurried past the living room with a suitcase in each hand.

"Are you going somewhere?" The words were out of his mouth before he could stop himself.

Kurt didn't turn to face him; instead he paused momentarily to respond. "I'm leaving."

"Where are you going?" Finn pressed.

"Does it really matter where a fag like me goes?" He voice insinuated a cold sneer, and Finn was taken aback at the stinging words that he couldn't form any of his own. "I'm leaving," he repeated before continuing towards the front door.

'_Grab him! If he leaves, and Burt finds out you let him, you'll be out on your ass for sure.' _Finn's mind screamed, but his feet refused to move. Car lights flashed in window; with that, Kurt was gone, and Finn was left more puzzled than ever.

_I used to stand so tall  
>I used to be so strong<em>

The boy still planted on the couch bit into his bottom lip, counting on his lucky stars that the person opening the front door was somehow going to be Kurt even though he left just an hour before. Unfortunately, a woman's giggle traveled into the silent room before Carole walked into the room and noticed her son sitting helplessly.

"Finnegan, Burt told me all about your little tantrum, and I want you to go downstairs and apologies this instant."

"He left."

"Where did he go?" Burt stepped in, obviously feeling concerned about his son.

"He wouldn't tell me."

Carole shooed Finn to his room while Burt tried calling Kurt. Every call failed to make it past his voicemail, and Carole soothed her boyfriend quietly.

Once he clomped down the stairs, Finn realized that wherever Kurt was, he didn't plan on coming home anytime soon. The fabric hiding the noir basement walls was thrown across the floor, and the ottomans were all out of line. Kurt's laptop that never left his desk was absent, and Finn ran to the closet, throwing open the door only to reveal a few pairs of shoes and a vest.

Finn folded the material and realigned the furniture to its original positioning. Sitting on his bed, Finn began to process just how real the situation was. Kurt was eighteen and legally allowed to leave.

"What happened down here?" Burt's voice held fury, and Finn jolted up to his feet.

"It isn't what it looks like! I came down here, and the room was a mess. All his stuff is gone…" his voice trailed off as he felt himself shrink in size.

Burt yelled for a good twenty minutes about how he had chased his son away with cruel glared. Suddenly, the tall boy didn't feel so tall, and he shied away.

_Your arms around me tight  
>Everything, it felt so right<br>Unbreakable, like nothing could go wrong_

Kurt sobbed as he drove off into the dark night wondering how he was ever going to pull through, but he was strong. The car felt empty. The arms Kurt had always wished were around him were missing. Summer had been going so well and so right until the basement rearrangement, and now Kurt was going to hide from what he had done.

_Now I can't breathe  
>No, I can't sleep<br>I'm barely hanging on_

Kurt walked mindlessly into McDonald's and ordered a coffee to sip at while flipping through web pages on his laptop. An email from none other but Finn Hudson arrived in his inbox. A breathe caught in his throat.

He had half a mind to ignore it, but he scanned through it quickly instead.__

_Kurt, you really need to come home. Mom is worried about you, and Burt is furious…with me because he thinks I made you ran away.  
>-Finn<em>

Kurt slammed his laptop closed. Of course Finn would only email him because his father was giving him a rough time. When was Kurt going to realize that the world revolved around Finn Hudson?

Chugging the rest of his coffee, Kurt climbed back into his car.

_Here I am, once again  
>I'm torn into pieces<br>Can't deny it, can't pretend  
>Just thought you were the one<br>Broken up, deep inside  
>But you won't get to see the tears I cry<br>Behind these hazel eyes_

_Kurt, come home. It's been a week. We're all worried about you. At least call your father to let him know you're okay.  
>-Finn<em>

Kurt, talented at he was, had applied for a paid internship at a small designer school where he would put together different outfits for the classes to use while learning from the professors he worked for a few weeks back. He had been gladly accepted, and even though the pay sucked, he was able to afford a small studio apartment.

_Kurt, where are you?  
>-Finn<em>

Mercedes called him several times a day, leaving voicemails pleading him to call her back. Finally he did.

"Where are you, boo?" She asked softly, cooing through the phone. "Finn told me you left, and I miss you so much. I didn't even get to see you off."

"Don't tell anyone, but I'm in New York." He explained to her his new life in the city.

"Can I come see you sometime?"

Kurt was silent for only a moment before knowing what he had to do. "No, Mercedes. I need to be away from everything I left behind in Lima." His heart clenched when he heard her breathing hitch.

"You don't want to be my friend anymore?"

"Of course I want to be your friend," he whispered in the verge of tears himself. "I'll call you sometime." He hung up not waiting for a goodbye because he knew it would be too painful to hear her choke out the closing line.

Two months past, and Kurt was doing well on his own despite the lack of luxury he was accustomed to, but he didn't realize he was going numb. Floating through life, he'd lost a part himself somewhere.

_I told you everything  
>Opened up and let you in<br>You made me feel alright  
>For once in my life<br>Now all that's left of me  
>Is what I pretend to be<br>So together, but so broken up inside  
>'Cause I can't breathe<br>No, I can't sleep  
>I'm barely hangin' on<em>

Finn checked his email everyday only to see an empty inbox besides for junk mail. He began to compose his next message with the subject '_Please.'_

_Kurt, you don't have to respond, but I really hope you are reading this. It's not the same here without you. If you come home, I promise  
>that I'll do everything to make you forgive me.<br>__-Finn_

The message sent, and Finn crossed his fingers hoping that somewhere, Kurt was reading what he had to say. But a response was never sent back to him.

'_You made him run away! Everyone blames you; you even blame yourself.' _Things weren't okay anymore. Burt and Carole held off their wedding they so wished to have, and they had searched for news of Kurt with no results.

_Here I am, once again  
>I'm torn into pieces<br>Can't deny it, can't pretend  
>Just thought you were the one<br>Broken up, deep inside  
>But you won't get to see the tears I cry<br>Behind these hazel eyes_

Finn sat on Kurt's old bed clutching at a sheet. He'd left the room's decorations untouched, and he often hid within the Moroccan décor.

Finally, his fingers absentmindedly punched in Kurt's cell phone number. What he didn't expect was for someone to answer.

Kurt had been waiting for the call from his professor, and when he phone rang, he answered quickly. "Hello?"

Finn froze; the voice he had missed for months was answering to him. "Kurt," he spoke softly.

"Don't call here-

"Wait, don't hang up!"

"Why shouldn't I? Are you going to tell me that you've miraculously changed your homophobic ways, and I should come home?"

"Yes."

Finn clutched the phone, silently begging the other to remain on the phone. "Goodbye, Finn."

With that, Finn lost connection with the other boy; by Kurt's response, Finn knew that his emails weren't being read.

States away, Kurt sat in his small apartment staring at his phone wondering if he made the right choice leaving Lima, Ohio and everyone who resided there. He cried softly feeling himself being pulled under. Drowning in the emptiness that had become of his life, he wept.

_Swallow me then spit me out  
>For hating you, I blame myself<br>Seeing you it kills me now  
>No, I don't cry on the outside<br>Anymore...  
>Anymore...<em>

Just hearing his voice cause Kurt to reel back into the real memories he had to Finn, and it hurt like being dunked into a tank of glacial water. There was no longer an apartment around him; he was back in his old room, and in front of him stood Finn screaming in rage. Knowing that he had pushed Finn too far, Kurt also blamed himself for the things that happened between him and the one he loved for so many years. But he held his ground and refused to cry again.

Finn tried to shake himself away from the rut he was in; college was nearing, and he would be going to Julliard to become a music teacher. Music had always been his crutch. It could describe emotions better than words, and it could reveal rawness within any closed off person.

The glee club reunited once more before they all went their separate ways. Before Finn left, he pulled Mercedes aside.

"I know you know where he is."

Mercedes glanced around ashamed before she answered. "He's in New York."

_Kurt, I'm heading to college, and I wonder if you doing the same. Won't you at least tell me what you have been up to? Burt wanted me to make I told you that he loves you and that he misses you. I know Mom feels the same. I hope to see you sometime in the future.  
><em>_-Finn_

Finn made sure he didn't mention where he would be going to college in case Kurt happened to read the email and take off again.

Even if Kurt had read the email, he would never had assumed how early in the future he was about to see Finn.

Here I am, once again  
>I'm torn into pieces<br>Can't deny it, can't pretend  
>Just thought you were the one<br>Broken up, deep inside  
>But you won't get to see the tears I cry<br>Behind these hazel eyes

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><p><em><em>Please Review! If any of you like this, please let me know so I can continue.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you all who responded!

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><p>Finally, Finn's move-in date arrived and Carole sent him off with tears shimmering in her ears, but not quick enough to escape Burt who wished to speak with him.<p>

Unlike his usual indifferent façade, Burt avoiding eye contact with a frown graced upon his lips; he cleared his throat awkwardly before clapping a hand on Finn shoulder. "If you see Kurt while you're in New York, please have him call me. I…uh…I miss my son. Be good up there. You're a good man."

Finn nodded before grabbing his last bags and loaded his luggage into the back of the truck Burt and Carole had purchased to his eighteenth birthday.

Before leaving his home, Finn ran back into the house and hugged his mother. "I'm going to miss you."

Burt entered the kitchen when they broke apart, and Finn pointed a finger at him. "Take care of her."

The older man grinned earnestly. "That's the last thing you need to worry about."

Another quick hug sent the college bond boy on his way. Plugging in his iPod, Finn jammed out to his eighties rock to keep him awake through the night until he stopped at an upbeat gas station the next morning for coffee.

When he started back on the highway and turned his iPod back on shuffle, a soft unfamiliar tune twinkled through the car accompanied by a gentle voice.

"_A chair is still a chair  
>Even when there's no one sitting there.<br>But a chair is not a house  
>And a house is not a home<br>When there's no one there to hold you tight  
>And no one there you can kiss goodnight."<em>

Finn tore at the cord that connected his iPod to his speakers. Breathing hard, he wondered how the song had even made its way onto his iPod. The rest of the ride was spent in silence while his mind wandered back to the night the changed his family.

After pulling into the parking lot of the small on-campus apartment block, Finn flipped through his songs trying to find anymore recordings of Kurt's voice.

And there they were.

Finn wondered why he had never noticed them before, but it didn't matter. He had a piece of Kurt with him, and he was closer to the other boy than he realized.

_"When the night has come  
>And the land is dark<br>And the moon is the only light we'll see  
>No I won't be afraid, no I won't be afraid<br>Just as long as you stand, stand by me."_

The newly enrolled boy finished unpacking to the soft singing, and when he laid down to sleep, _'Puff, the Magic Dragon' _flowed from the ear bud to his ear. Tears jumped to his eyes. It was the song his mother used to sing to hush him to sleep after a nightmare.

It was then that Finn realized just how much badly he had screwed up. In the morning, he rose at eight to attend his first music theory class, which didn't go too bad, before he went back to his apartment. Staring at Kurt's contact in his cell phone, he deliberated calling.

One ring. Two rings. And…

Kurt stared at the screen while his phone vibrated in his hand. _Finn Hudson _was calling; Kurt hit the ignore button, but guilt plagued him.

Finn sighed into the answering machine and left a short message. "Kurt, I'm here. I'm in New York, and I want to see you. Where are you?"

His request was in vain; Finn was well aware that Kurt wouldn't be listening to his voicemail anytime soon.

Kurt's schooling was going great, and he was still earning enough income to pay for his studio apartment. But he missed his father, who had always accepted him for who he was, he missed Carole, who always tried his very hardest to be a wonderful mother, and he missed Finn, the boy he had fallen hard for back in sophomore year.

After picking up some Chinese food, Kurt scurried to back to his apartment, passing through the smiling sightseers. Couples grasped hands as they walked, and Kurt just bowed his head and clutched his coat around his body.

Finn, finding the need to explore his new city, walked with a steaming cup of coffee in his hands when he remembered he had left his textbook back in class; he scurried back hoping no one had taken it yet.

Kurt halted in front of the entrance of Julliard, the college he always figured he'd end up at. Music was supposed to lead him to Broadway, and Kurt began to wonder once more if he had made the wrong choice.

Instead of obsessing on the topic, Kurt sauntered slowly from the campus remembering the words that his father always spoken.

"Son," he would start, "time spent thinking about what things might have been if you would have taken another road is time spent for nothing. Life is what you make of it."

Finn, pleased to have found his book, walked away from the campus with a smile which slowly disappeared when he spotted downcast eyes and a head of combed back brown hair. As if in a classical black-and-white drama, the man raised his head and met the eyes of one Finn Hudson.

'_That is it_,' Kurt thought, '_I've been found. All the work I went through to hide away was for nothing.'_

'_He's there,'_ Finn though, aching to run to his side even though he was just steps away. Travelers hurried past them, but they seemed to stand in a slower time. 'Reach out and touch him; see if he is real.'

Kurt ducked his head down again and hurried to pass the ghost that haunted him so, but Finn's fingers brushed Kurt's side before he turned as the other passed to grab his hand.

"Don't go, Kurt," his voice was soft.

Kurt didn't turn to face his past. "Let me go," he whispered as he yanked he hand from Finn's. The phrasing caused Finn's hand to go limp. Kurt honestly didn't want to be found by anyone, especially by Finn.

"Your dad still loves you," Finn called out, but Kurt had already disappeared.

There, breathing deeply in an alley, stood Kurt who began to tear at the thought of his father. The man who had never abandoned him on any circumstance still loved him even though Kurt had left him in Ohio without a second thought.

It was Finn's simple statement that drove Kurt to call his father while both parents would surely be at work. He left a quick message but the emotion was clear in his voice.

"I hope everything is okay there. You better be taking care of Carole…I miss you, Daddy. I still love you, too." He hung up the phone and rocked himself back and forth in a soothing manner to calm the silent sobs.

From another's perspective, Kurt may have looked like a small innocent child; he deserved to have warm arms about him, but the man had pushed away everyone who had once stood by him.

Finn failed to concentrate on his essay that night; Kurt's adult appearance overwhelmed his mind. The next day after class, Finn called Kurt.

One ring. Two Rings. And…

"Yes, Finn?" Kurt's voice was thick from crying the previous night, and he cleared his throat.

Finn's breath caught in his throat. He hadn't expected Kurt to answer.

"Are you still there?" The voice on the other line was weak

"I want to see you," Finn pressed finally finding his voice. "I need to see you."

"Don't be like this," Kurt pleaded, contemplating the idea of hanging up.

One word had the power to change everything if Kurt fell into a moment of weakness, and Finn spoke it with sincerity that Kurt swallowed thickly once more. _"Please."  
><em>

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><p><em>Please Review!<em>


	3. Chapter 3

Last chapter! It's alright, I guess, for my first multi-chaptered fic.

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><p>"Are you still there?" Finn asked softly when the other line was silent, and he was answered by a sharp intake of air. "Don't cry, Kurt," he whispered, arms suddenly feeling oddly empty. "Please, just let me come and see you."<p>

"No, that's enough. I bent over backwards for you, and yeah, I probably pushed too hard. Instead of telling me to back off, you screamed at me like a homophobic prink. I don't have to be afraid of who I am here, so now you are the one who needs to back off."

The line went dead, and Kurt pulled his phone away to see that Finn had ended the call. Guilt panged his chest, and he lied down hoping to sleep of the stress. But when he woke, he felt more alone than ever.

Finn threw himself into his studies for once, and he sincerely enjoyed his classes until he started receiving math work. He remembered how Kurt would always volunteer to help.

A thought entered his mind, and he called Burt on a whim.

"Do you still have the tracker app?"

Monday was rough for Kurt. Not only did he have a presentation to give, but he had multiple designs to review with his professors. And when he came home that night, all he wished to do was lie down and rest for days, but when he opened the door to his apartment, a vase of roses sat on the corner table.

"Mercedes?" He called out wondering if she had somehow found out where he was, but her voice didn't respond back.

He proceeded to the kitchen where two long candles were lit and another vase of roses sat between them. Sitting delicately on a clear plate was a letter written in familiar script.

'_Kurt, _

_It seems as if you've been gone for ages. When you left, home wasn't home anymore. There was no one to fight with or disagree with. There was no one to correct me when I mispronounced a fancy food name. There was no one to help me with my homework. But most importantly, there was no one for me to bond with._

_Burt misses you every day, and he always tells me to tell you that he loves you if I were to see you. He told me you called the other day, and you know he loves you too. _

_-Finn_

As Kurt continued to read through the letter, he didn't notice the approaching shadow cast upon the floor until long arms wound around his waist. The young man screamed; the last thing he had expected was to have someone in his apartment.

"Shush, Kurt, it's just me."

Kurt's frame rattled as he came down from his sudden panic high, and he twisted his neck to see Finn looming above him.

"What the hell are you doing here," Kurt hissed though he made no effort to tear away from the lazy embrace.

"I found the spare key under your doormat. Try to be a bit more original next time," Finn chuckled, the atmosphere sudden darkened when Finn continued."I never got the opportunity to apologize correctly. Nowadays, the very thought of you rattles me to my core, so, I…uh…" his eyes, dark in the dim room, flickered down to Kurt's luscious lips. He dropped his head, and their lips met in a tender embrace.

Kurt struggled for a moment, but Finn's tight arms did not yield. Eventually, his body leaned limply against the other's body, and he gave into Finn who deepened the kiss. Hands began to roam over clothing before Finn palmed the petite man's tight ass.

The shorter man broke away from the other's mouth to gasp, throwing his head back. Finn latched his mouth on the other's neck, suckling on the sweet crook of his neck.

"Finn…think about w- what you're d- doing," he panted.

"I am," he breathed against the soft skin. "I want you, Kurt. God, I want you so much. Do you want me, Kurt?"

The man was only silent for a moment before Finn pulled his earlobe between his teeth. "Yes!" Kurt yelled, clinging to man.

Threading his fingers through thick brown tresses, Finn reconnected their lips, stroking his tongue straight into the other man's hot mouth. He pushed him up against the wall, and Kurt surrendered, allowing Finn to slam his hands above his head before grinding hard against him.

Kurt turned so he faced the wall; he placed his palms on the wall and pushed his ass out in a tempting manner, and Finn gripped his hips before thrusting against him. Kurt moaned loudly, and Finn broke out of his haze.

"Bedroom," he puffed heavily. It wasn't the right time for rough sex. The man deserved to be loved correctly, so he followed him to the bedroom, striping of clothing on the way. Kurt turned back to man, hesitation stood in his eyes.

"I….I-

Kurt didn't understand himself. _'Why am I depriving myself of this? I wanted this before…'_

"I hurt you, Kurt," he soothed, gently undressing the man who stood lost in his own thoughts. "Forgive me, Kurt."

"I…I forgive you," he whispered, touching his lips to Finn's. They fell to the bed with as a tangled twist, and Kurt ended up on top, looking down at the other man who was prepared with a condom and lube.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" Finn nodded.

Slowly, Kurt sank down, and Finn squeezed his eyes shut and his fist around the man's hips to restrain from simply pushing in. The man whined; he was aware that it was going to hurt, but it burned within him. So, he wiggled to adjust, but Finn's cock brushed against his sensitive bundle of nerves.

"Fi- Finn! Please, more…"

Their tempo speed quickly, and Finn watched with amazed eyes as a drop of sweat ran down the smooth plane of Kurt's chest. In the dark room, light reflected across the slick skin, and Finn dug his hands into his petite hips while bucking his hips up to met flesh against flesh.

"Mailman, mailman, mail-

Kurt bent to kiss him heatedly and sloppily. "Let go for me, Finn."

With a deep gaze into blue orbs, Finn came with a yell and flash of white hot pleasure. Exhausted, Kurt fell to Finn's chest, but Finn pulled out to spoon against the man before taking the hard leaking cock into his hand.

With one hand in Finn's hair and the other wrapped in his sheets, Kurt moaned and shook while pleasure over came him when one of Finn's hands flicked the erect nipple and the other stroked a thumb over his slit.

A strangle cry of Finn's name slipped from Kurt's mouth, and he covered Finn's hand in spunk while the man gently stroked him down from his peak.

Though they were sticky and rather dirty, the men took comfort in each other and fell asleep together. When Kurt woke in the morning, he released a large breath of relief for long arms were still wound around him.

Finn, who was awake and smiled at the man's sigh before snuggling back into his embrace, pressed a kiss to the man's ear for he felt at home than he had in a long time.

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><p>Thank you to all of you who stuck with me. :) Please Review!<p> 


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